Painted Black
by Pandora de Romanus
Summary: Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash AyameHatori. Dark and Angsty.
1. Fire

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Ayame would be gay if I did.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. But hey he will be out of character because this is the whole point of this fic.

* * *

**AYAME**

Fire.

Purifying fire. Beautiful fire. Powerful fire. Hot fire.

Its smoke melted the snow even before it touched the flames. Ayame took another swig from his bottle of whiskey. He concluded in his hazed brain, 3 o'clock in the morning in the middle of a deserted frozen public park, gazing at a pyre of his own, once most loved, possessions, that he liked the fire. Liked the fire because it burned everything in the same way. Because it destroyed all things alike. Because the fire kept the cold of the winter at bay. Of course, he barely felt cold with so much alcohol in his blood vessels; he barely felt anything at all, in fact; but he didn't care.

The fire was burning the last remains of his old life and he loved the fire even more for that.


	2. Phone Phobia

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Natsuki Takaya does...

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. But hey he will be out of character because this is the whole point of this fic.

* * *

**HATORI**

Friday. I looked at the watch. 7:30 in the evening.

I looked at my mobile.

It just sat at its usual place at my desk uttering no sound at all.

I looked at it a little longer.

Still… No ringing.

3 weeks. Its been 3 whole weeks since I had any notice from Ayame. No visits, no phone calls, not as much as a single e-mail. And that was highly unusual.

First week was a blessing. I finally managed to get some paper work done. My office was quiet for the first time in months and as the days dragged on I noticed that my patients started to feel… bored. The braver ones even asked about Ayame. There was this little boy that said: "Souma-iishya-san (Doctor Souma), where's the funny 'niisan (big brother) with the big white hair?"

All I managed to say was that I didn't know either. As the days passed, I started to long for him to disrupt my peace. Or even better, the boredom of my office. And so would my patients. They had grown used to Ayame's phone calls in the middle of consults, his occasional visits that would stop all work at the medical facility of the Souma state. Everybody loved it when he came. He brought light to the dark of their despair… and mine. I told myself he would soon show up or call and thus I had stated to wait. Every time the phone rang I kind of expected it to be him.

However…

On Friday night of the third week, I gave up my hopes.

I looked at the phone on my desk which sat side by side to my mobile expecting either of the offending things to ring. I sighed, telling myself to stop acting childishly. Then, I picked up the receiver dialing Ayame's mobile number. It was off. Tried his house also to no avail.

I tried Shigure but he hadn't had any luck on the phone either and hadn't had the time to go searching for Aya at his apartment.

I decided then to pay him a visit at the shop the morning after.


	3. Clothes' Shop of Horrors

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it…

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. But hey he will be out of character because this is the whole point of this fic.

**MIINE**

She saw Hatori-san enter the NEW shop and saw shock on his face. It was obvious, really, that he would be shocked, everything was so different. The walls were white and shiny now, covered with black drawings… Horrible drawings of scenes that could only have been dreamed of in nightmares. The clothes now were all in dark colors. Navy blue, deep purple, dark green, dark red... Black. Most of it was all black. The designs talking about bizar, about sad times, about old times and blood and bones.

It all smelled melancholy and reeked suicide.

It screamed pain.

"Hatori-san." She said as way of greeting.

"Miine-san, what happened here?" He asked as confused as she had felt the morning she arrived and found the place totally empty and the boss painting those horrors on the walls.

"Things… have changed." She answered.

"I can see that. Is it one of Ayame's new ideas to get… What does he call it? 'Manly Romance'?"

"No, Hatori-san. It's far different from that." Answered the girl with sad eyes. She had loved her job so much before. She had loved her friend so much before. The boss would barely speak to her now… And having your best friend do that hurt as hell. Hatori could be as sensitive as a door but Miine's eyes spoke loudly of her woe.

"Tell me what happened." Asked the doctor.

"I don't know. I don't understand it either."

"Where is he?" Hatori asked.

"He doesn't come here anymore. He doesn't do the sewing either. Says that he's got a new project and that should I mind my own business. He just draws the clothes. And they only get darker and darker." She was on the verge of tears when she finished and Hatori was at a loss. What could have brought such a change in Ayame's heart and mind?


	4. Past Things

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it…

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. But hey he will be out of character because this is the whole point of this fic.

* * *

**AYAME**

He had heard the door. He knew who was behind it. He knew their names. He knew what they wanted too, but…

He didn't care to see them. He had no wish to, really.

They were past, and past things should remain behind.

Shigure and Hatori spent hours in front of the building.

The door remained shut.


	5. Paint it Black

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. But hey he will be out of character because this is the whole point of this fic.

* * *

**HATORI**

After our first fruitless attempt, we kept trying for a week. Shigure or I would go to Ayame's apartment everyday and try for like… Half an hour to see if he would come out. We even convinced Yuki to try… That was the first and only time he spoke word to us and his words were directed to Yuki only.

"Get out of my house, you hypocritical bastard. You don't like nor care about me. If, at least now, for the first time in your adolescence, you are listening to what I'm saying, keep this piece of advice: Lies kill your heart. Killed mine. Now, GET. OUT." Ayame said on the intercom. His voice so cold it could have frozen a homeless in a winter night.

What had changed?

I couldn't answer that and it made me wonder where had I failed as a friend. What had I not seen that had brought him to such a darkness?

That were questions that wouldn't leave alone at night. Even Mayu, had started asking about my sleepless nights. She said once that I looked like a zombie. Maybe if I were one, Ayame would have some interest in my being at his door.

I remember being alone at my house on the Souma state, that Friday. It was exactly one week since I had first called Ayame worried about him. Haru and Momiji were at Shigure's to watch Music Station, a TV show about the latest musical hits, with Touru.

It was the first time I had the TV to myself in long months… But, to my surprise I ended up watching Music Station. There wasn't much of a choice, really.

I was almost asleep when I heard it.

A deep voice, so cold it could freeze a homeless in a winter night. Aaya's voice. I woke with a start, and for a moment thought I had been dreaming. But there he was in his black suit, with his white shirt and his black tie.

Ayame Souma was singing live on national television.

_"I see a red door and I want it painted black_

_No colors anymore I want them to turn black_

_I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_

_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes!"_

He sang, and there was no lie in his eyes, lined with mascara. He meant every word.

_"I see a line of cars and they're all painted black_

_With flowers and my love both never to come back_

_I see people turn their heads and quickly look away_

_Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ry day_

_I look inside myself and see my heart is black"_

His eyes were so hard and condemning… I felt like every word was directed at me and it hit me like a punch on my guts.

He was suffering so much and I had NOT SEEN!


	6. Nuisance

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC. Mild violence.

**Author's note**: Thanks to all who have reviewed. Baroquess, who had been very inspiring with her own fics; red-rose-priestess, who was very kind and Adi88 who wanted to know Akito's thoughts on the matter. I was thinking on making this a later chapter, but here we are.

* * *

**AYAME**

There was someone new at the door. And this time, he let this someone in. He closed the door after the last nameless bodyguard that accompanied the someone he had let it in.

"You know what you did, you stupid worthless snake? Do you have any idea what your little stunt may cause us?" Hissed the young "man" with black hair. Black hair… Just like the hair of the one he had loved. It looked a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago. The young man's hair was black… Black like Ayame's own heart.

Ayame barely blinked. He lit a cigarette from his pack of Mild Seven. Blew the smoke on the young man's face.

"What I do and what I don't is none of your business, you bitch. I let you in with one purpose only. So that you take this message to all in the wretched family. I don't want any of you EVER again bothering me. I don't care to see you, and you have been nothing but a nuisance since I changed my way of life. DON'T. COME. BACK." He said in a slow threatening manner. Akito looked in those naja like yellow eyes and saw that he couldn't intimidate this man. This was not the Ayame he knew. Not the worthless snake. This was not a man to be played with. And Akito did the only thing he knew to do so as to put some respect on the snake's eyes. He raised his hand to the first blow, but was never able to deliver it. Ayame caught his thin wrist and twisted it to his back.

"Stay back or I break his arm." Ayame said to the bodyguards. Akito's arm was so thin that for a grown man to brake said arm would be simple as braking a twig.

"You can't do this to ME! I'm Yu Huang! I'm GOD!" Screamed the desperate teenager.

"I'm atheist."

"Ahhh! Release ME!" Akito screamed some more as Ayame forced his arm.

"As soon as you promise not to bother me again." Ayame said unshaken.

"You can't do THIS!"

"I can and I'm doing it. Now promise on your arm that you'll not bother me again." He twisted Akito's arm to its limit letting the young one on the verge of tears.

"I… Ah! I promise!" Said Akito.

Ayame leaned on Akito's ear still holding his arm and whispered: "You break your promise, I break your arm. I hope you understand that."

Ayame released Akito who straightened his clothes, his hands trembling with suppressed rage and fear. Aaya took a long drag of his cigarette which was still nestled in his left hand's fingers. Akito looked at the snake with hateful eyes.

"You know this is not over yet. You'll be back on your knees begging my mercy." Said the young man, spiting the words.

Ayame smiled non-chalantly. And his smile was ironic and vicious in itself.

"Face the facts, dear. You'll be dead before I do."


	7. the Talk

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's note**: Thanks again to all who have reviewed. Baroquess (You flatter me); Akito no K-chan, my new mail friend who I adore! And Adi88 who had been really helpful with her reviews. Please point me the English mistakes for I don't have a beta. And my Akito is not stupid, girls, he just sticks to the motto: "Run now and take revenge later."

* * *

**HATORI**

The night I saw Ayame on the TV, I wallowed in self-pity. There, I said it. I spent the night wondering again what had I done wrong and why he hated me. I got so drunk, I didn't made it to Souma's main house on time to stop Akito going after Aaya and that only made me feel worse. I spent the whole morning there, pacing back and forth. Waiting Akito's arrival so I could measure the damage of what he had done to the whole of the family.

When he got there he told me to call Shigure. And as soon as the dog was there, we sat to have the Talk. Akito was planning something big and he was very angry. Something that should be an example for all of the juunishi and Touru also. Something to show that people should not disrespect him. I remember meeting Shigure's eyes in the meeting and he was as worried as I was.

After all, it was Aaya we were talking about. Girly, not so strong Aaya. I was afraid for him. No matter what he did to us. Akito could be nasty when he wanted to and he seemed to want badly.

Soon he was talking about calling on old favors and old family debts. Things that dated back before Meiji was Emperor. He wanted someone mean. Someone who would teach the blasted snake his proper place. And even if I almost begged him not to…

It was to no avail.


	8. Dear Aaya

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**

* * *

****SHIGURE**

Hatori was possessed. I've never seen him so desperate on doing something and I why he was acting so. He didn't want a replay of what happened to Kana. He didn't want Akito's sadistic trait to taint yet another of his loved ones.

What he was yet to understand was… Things had changed.

Dear Aaya was no longer himself. He was more of bastard Ayame now and I wanted my cousin and best friend back. And even if it would take one of Akito's plans to achieve that, I would go along. And I couldn't let Hatori interfere.

That night, the night of the Lesson, Akito had his worst fever ever.

It took so little to make him almost delirious… 1mg of aconite and there he was, sick for the night but in no danger of really dying. Haa-san spent the whole night by his side.

Ayame would be back soon. And I would be there to wipe his tears.


	9. Bloodied Snake

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's note**: GIRLS! Akito no K-chan, you are being adored because you deserve it! Yay! And Adi88 as always thanks so much for your reviews. Without them everything would have gone different ways but I'm liking a lot how it is going!

* * *

**HATORI**

I got to the apartment as soon as I could. The door had been broken, and was skew. The morning sun entered through the wide open curtains to illuminate the abandoned room. The whole place was a mess. The black and white furniture Ayame must have bought after the change was thrown all over the place. Books, sketches, clothes, broken glasses… They were everywhere. There was blood stains on the carpet and I felt stomach clench.

As I ventured further I saw a human form. For a moment I thought Ayame might be conscious. But it wasn't him. It was a pale young man on his early twenties. He had black-purple longish hair and wore way too much make up. He almost looked like a girl in his black lipstick. He was knelt on the floor cradling something small and reddish in both hands very carefully and close to his chest. As I got close I could make out what he was holding: a petit, bloodied white snake.

"God." I muttered under my breath.

The punk looked at me.

"It's him, isn't it? This snake. It's Ayame-sama, right?"

I went to him without answering, I didn't have the mind to deal with the secret now. I needed to tend to Aaya.

With all the care I could muster, I took the bloodied little thing in my hands and took it to the bathroom. My mind went back to Akito and for a moment I wished I hadn't kept my doctor's ethic vow and had let him die.

The gothic kid followed me, so I asked for cotton balls and a first aid kit. He followed my instructions, and soon I was treating the snake on his own bed, the silk black sheets totally out of place in a healing environment. The whole place was. And it was still a mess.

Soon the snake started to feel better it took a whole day but once again took the shape of a man. As soon as that happened I changed the boy's memories. Ayame was still unconscious.

I looked at the young man as I heard him swear in a hushed tone.

"Those bastards" he said hatefully. I closed my eyes. WE, me, Shigure and Akito, we were the bastards. I looked at Aaya. There were deep, all already properly dressed, cuts all over his body and his face was one huge bruise. Split lips, swollen eyes… I thanked every deity I knew for not having found any internal bleeding or broken bones.

"Who are you, anyway?" I asked the kid dressed only in black clothes.

"I work with him. I'm the drummer of his band, Gothic Poison."

I raised an eyebrow. Ayame had a band now? Oh don't be an idiot Hatori, he was on a music show on TV wasn't he? He couldn't have been there on his own.

"I'm also his occasional lover." Continue the boy. "He wouldn't like me to tell this to anyone, but… You are the man of the picture and I want you to know that I won't give him up without a fight."

"What picture?" I asked. I didn't care about his crush on my best friend, I just wanted to understand what happened to change so much about him.

"The one he burned. The one he said he never wanted to look at again. You are the one to fault for his pain."

As it had been on the last few weeks, I once again didn't understand what was happening. I left that night to check on Akito who was much better. The thoughts, though, wouldn't leave me. How could it be my fault?

I came back the day after and the purple haired young man was still there. He never left during the 3 days Ayame spent unconscious. He cleaned the place while I was away. And he bought medical supplies. I told him I could bring some but he didn't want anything from me. He tried to make me leave telling me Aaya didn't need me but I kept coming.

Ayame looked so fragile like that. There was no accusing eyes, no painful songs, no cold voice that could freeze a homeless in a winter night.

I could almost pretend, if just for a few moments, nothing had happened.


	10. Promises in the Moonlight

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

* * *

**AKITO**

Akito was never a heavy sleeper. He was too sensitive to cold weathers and heat, and such things could easily wake him up in the middle of the night. The smallest of noises could do the same much as any amount of light that wasn't the moon's. Akito treasured any sleep he could get and, as you can imagine, that made him the opposite of what one would call a "morning person".

When he heard a small scraping sound of a zippo being lit, he woke up immediately and in one foul mood.

The smell and smoke of a mild seven filled the air.

"You. What do you want in the middle of the night? Came to beg my forgiveness?" Said Akito raising an eyebrow, trying to make out the figure of his "visitor" in the faint light of the cigarette.

There was a rash humorless laugh from the dark corner and the cigarette's spark shook from it.

"You really are funny." Said the voice from the dark corner. And its coldness froze Akito's reply on the tip of his tongue.

The sparkle climbed a meter or so in the void and Akito knew his visitor had risen and was approaching. When the moonlight designed the figure against the rice paper doors, he caught a glimpse of a pair of venomous yellow eyes. He tried retreating for a moment, but was caught by firm hands on his yukata's colar.

"How did you get in here, you pitiful creature?" He screamed so as to call someone, and while doing so trying to conceal his fear.

There was noise in front of the door to Akito's room but it shuttered.

Akito could feel the hot breath in his ear as Ayame whispered.

"I just came to remind you of a promise you made."

On the other side of the door, the only thing the servants and the bodyguards heard was the deafening scream of their master echoing through the night.


	11. 3 o'clock visitor

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's Note:** I ask you all my dears to be patient and sorry if I took sometime. And please: Review! I miss those!

* * *

**HATORI**

I looked at the x-ray of Akito's arm and sighed.

Whoever did it knew what he was doing.

Akito's right elbow had been forced 90 degrees to the wrong side. The articulation had been seriously damaged. It would take at least a year of daily sessions of physiotherapy for it to regain at least some its movements.

I wondered how he was able to pull it off.

I understand Akito's use of violence. Every spoilt child who knows not how to impose his or her way of thinking ends up turning to violence. But Ayame? Ayame was not a child anymore and even if he was difficult and, at times, immature, he never needed anykind of violence to make a point.

And he had been so mean. If he knew so well what he was doing, why not just break the ulna? Articulations medically speaking were always complicated. Couldn't have avoided that?

My thoughts, though, were interrupted as asked myself such questions. My assistant entered and said I had a visitor without an appointment. Since my 3 o'clock patient conveniently called saying he wouldn't make it on time, I asked her to let said visitor in.

To my utter surprise, I was met by a heavily painted face and a shock of purple-black hair. He closed the door after him, and I gestured him to sit. He did and looked at me. I looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry to bother you when I said Ayame-sama and I didn't need anything from you. I'm gonna be straight to the point if you don't mind." He said looking at his hands on his lap which were fumbling with a piece of paper betraying his anxiousness. I nodded for him to continue.

"I don't like you, because I know you had something to do with Ayame-sama's beating and all the suffering he went through. I know that, because your picture was the only thing that brought up anything close to an emotional reaction from him since I met him. For a moment I saw the pain and the anger and them the numbness and coldness just returned. Not even in sex he shows anything other than momentary relief. And that's why I'm here. I want to help him. I want his pain to go away." His eyes were filled with unshed tears and I pitied him. "What have you done to him? That's all I want to know. What have you done that killed his heart?" He begged me, almost losing the battle against his tears.

I sighed again. And offered him a box of tissue. I admire people who stand up for their loved ones, and for a moment I felt real jealousy. This boy… This boy who barely knew Ayame was here… Standing up for the one he loves while I let Ayame be beaten up to bloody mess. My best friend. The one I trust the most.

"I… I don't even know what to tell you… I don't even know your name." I answered.

"It's Toshiya." He said.

"Well, Toshiya, I don't know what I've done. One day he called me every 15 minutes to tell me about his discoveries and his new creations. The other he doesn't even answers the door when I knock." I continued.

"Were you his… lover?"

My eyes went the size of saucers. "Of course not." I laughed slightly embarrassed as I said. "He used to be my best friend. Had always been. Never has he left my side. And gave me strength in my moments of need. He is like a brother to me."

It was Toshiya's turn to look perplexed. "You really are an arsehole." He whispered. "How can anyone be so thick? So selfish!" He continued and looked horrified at my statements. "It's a waste of time my being here. And to think…AH! You disgust me. You killed his heart by your shear tactlessness! You'll excuse me." Before I could say anything he already was on his way to the door. But I couldn't let him go. I had to understand this whole business. I grabbed his arm.

"Wait a minute… What is this all about?" I said almost out of myself. I was so tired of being in the dark concerning this whole madness.

"You really want to know? Then go ask Ayame-sama!" He shouted and left.


	12. Champagne Colored Eyes

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones. The song Ayame sings in this chapter belongs to me. Please ask me before you use it.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's Note:** We are getting to the end! x

* * *

**HATORI**

"I walk among autumn's dead leaves

Among life's dead lovers

For I fell at your feet like a dead leaf

I'm your dead lover

The one you never wanted

Frozen like a bird

By your winter cold eyes.

I walk among autumn's dead leaves

Among life's dead lovers

For your cold froze my soul

Blackened my heart."

Ayame sang. He was recording when I got to the studio.

I tried to enter and almost got thrown out by a pair of sturdy bodyguards. Toshiya, though, gave me entry. I had never expected him to, but he did it anyway, bringing me to the editing room where I could watch Ayame through the glass and wait with the rest of the band.

It was a real privilege… Hearing him sing live.

Such a nice voice… Such a beautiful song…

Such sad eyes…

So sad it clenched my chest. Thorn at my soul. He bled my heart with just a look of that champagne colored eyes of his. I felt my arms longing to comfort him. I felt my lips wish to kiss all that pain away. And just as I thought that I halted my train of thought abruptly. Where had that thought come from?

I looked again in those eyes. So deep they were, that I felt myself be dragged to the bottom of everything that was 'us'. Swollen by all good memories of said eyes. Realizing with no small amount of surprise that the happiness expressed by Ayame's words and smiles failed countless times to reach his beautiful eyes.

How strong someone has to be to lie all the time?

How strong do you have to be to fool all? Sometimes… Even yourself?

How long could YOU keep it up? I asked myself.

_Lies kill your heart. _Ayame had said.

Year after year of lies paraded in my memory as I realized that Ayame's smile… His thousand watts smile… Seldon, if not never, reached his sad eyes.

How long had it been? How long had that pain haunted his eyes? More than 10 years for sure.10 years of flawless act, his smile his best mask. How practiced can a smile be? How difficult could it be to sustain it in face of the most hurtful words?

_I'm going to marry Kana. Would you be my best man?_

A pause, then.

A bright smile.

_Absolutely! I'll be the best best manyou could ever have!_

Toshiya's face.

_How can anyone be so thick? So selfish!_

_You disgust me._

"What are you doing here?" Said the real voice of the smiling ghost of my memories as he entered the now empty editing room.

"I came to beg your forgiveness." I blurted out forgetting the well rehearsed speech I had prepared for our confrontation. No whys were needed anymore, for the truth had been laid right before my eyes.

"There is nothing to forgive. It's past. Past things shall remain behind. Anything else?" He asked as a way to throw me out.

"Aaya… I… Just wanted you to know that… I didn't mean to… To be the selfish arsehole that I was and that hurt you so and… I understand if you never want to look at me again…" I closed the distance between us hesitantly, letting the back of my fingers travel tenderly down his jaw line. "But I can't help wishing that you would."

As I finished, I lean in and kissed his unmoving lips.

After that, while he was still too shocked to lash out at me, I left. Feeling in my chest that tightening grip, that killing pain no painkiller could kill. The pain of having lost my beloved just as I had discovered him.


	13. He has Burnt, it's time to crash

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's notes**: Thanksall who reviewed and sorry for the delay: Author's block. Red-rose-priestess, Ellesmera thank you VERY much for stoping by and reading my nonsense. Adi88, I'm really sorry about my little clichés, I think I can't resist them. Now, Akito no K-chan I already answered your questions and I REALLY glad for you honesty. It helps me a lot! Got the e-mail I've sent you? Next chapter won't take long. Promise.

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**TOSHIYA**

Ayame-sama... Could that man who hurt you so, cure you?

For long moments as I waited the talk between the two of you end, I wondered about my decision. Second-guessing the choice of letting him in. Had I done right? Done wrong? Was it my place to choose?

I entered the editing room just as he left so quickly. I barely got a glance at him. And you were still there. Stock still. Mouth hanging, your eyes were full of tears. I stopped on my tracks and just waited for your shock to leave you.

As soon as it did, you were crying. Sobbing like a ten year-old. You couldn't breath and you couldn't stop. You screamed then, throwing Yukari-san's chair towards the door. The ikebana vase was next. Smashed itself against the wall. The room had broken glass everywhere, and your sobs kept on and on while you destroyed even the editing equipment. I wondered for a while if you cared that the new ones would come out of your paycheck. But that didn't really matter.

It was the first time I have seem you cry, that I have seen you be honest with your feelings.

In that moment… I let myself hope.


	14. Nights like this

**Painted Black**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Not making money with this, even if I need it… Paint it Black belong to the Rolling Stones.

**Summary: **Things are changing. Can Hatori keep up? Slash Ayame/Hatori. Dark and Angsty.

C**ategory: **Angst

**Pairing**: Ayame/Hatori

**WARNING:** Ayame OOC.

**Author's notes**: Sorry for taking so long! Thanks to Akito no K-chan who as I said I adore! To Kurai Himitsu whose fics I admire very much (Felt honored with your review!) and Adi88 who was a fierce reviewer and that helped the fic look as it ended up being! THANK YOU! Thanks for Red-rose-priestess, Baroquess and Ellesmera also! Love you all! Here we are: LAST CHAPTER!

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**HATORI**

It was 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I had just fallen from bed after dreaming AGAIN of HIM. It was almost a week since we had our talk and my heart was starting to give up waiting. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face in hopes to get a clear mind.

"Smokes?" I heard HIS voice say behind me.

"Jesus Christ, Aaya!" I voiced loudly as I noticed Ayame's presence in the mirror, almost having a heart attack. "Do you wanna kill me?"

"Thought you would be happy to see me." He said, expressionless, lighting his trade mark Mild Seven.

I sighed looking at him. He was dressed in a heavy black leather overcoat that hung below his knees and a blood red tie over a black silk shirt. He wore skin-tight leather pants and fierce-looking boots that came to his calves. His eyes still heavily painted in black eyeliner and black shadow.

"I am." I said embarrassed. He just ignored that.

He walked slowly to the porch without saying word and sat on the cold steps that led to the snow-covered garden on my backyard. For a moment, I wanted to tell him not to do that because it was too cold for him, but I knew this new Ayame wouldn't put up being treated like a child.

He offered me the pack of smokes again, still silent, and I took one this time as a sigh of my good will. He let the smoke of deep long drag leave his lungs slowly.

Ayame looked up to the sky.

"We have nice stars tonight."

"Aa." I acknowledged.

"You know… Nights like this only happen after a good snow storm, like yesterday's." He paused for a moment and continued. "Since I was a boy, this was always my favorite kind of night."

"I know." I said remembering his bright boyish eyes of that time long gone and how he would run on the snow covered garden and throw himself to lay on the snow looking at the stars 'till he was so cold he would transform and go down with a flu.

"And even now, after all the changes I have been through…" His painted black eyes stared into mine seriously. "I can't help but be enticed with it still."

With that he robbed me of all speech or movement. Could it mean what I hoped it did? My heart drummed in my ears.

"But the nights don't care who I am or who I was. I've changed, 'Tori-san." He said with sincerity and I understood what was being said.

"Then I'll just have to learn you all over again." I said getting closer.

In a blink of an eye we were kissing. And before I even made sense of that, we were sprawled on the steps, I on top of him, kissing him even more like he was the salvation to my soul.

And he was. I kissed him, and drank of him, and smelled his hair and licked his skin that tasted salty and unique. And he pulled my hair and bit my neck and tugged at my clothes right there, right then.

Breathless like I had ran a hundred meters full speed, I stood on my feet and laughing at his groan I lured him back to the entrance hall where he pounced me back to the tatami floor. He kissed me as deeply as we were kissing outside, eating my soul through my mouth, kissing my neck and my jaw line and bitting softly on my earlobe, having me his way. The way he had wanted so long ago, the way he still had wanted. My pajama's top was opened and he licked my collarbone. I shivered. I needed him, needed more of his skin as I needed air to breath and thus I reversed our positions and took care of the tie as he pulled at the buttons of his coat. His shirt was an easy matter but I almost murdered his boots and pants that made him look so hot even though they were so fucking difficult to take off.

Soon we were both naked and then I was in him.

He was in his fours and he talked as dirty as I had never imagined he could making me wild. And wild our sex was, and our love too. It was primal and simple like our relationship never was.

And I loved it.

As morning found us on the middle of my entrance hall naked and dishelmed I thanked god for my heating system or we would both be frozen. I looked at the man I had slept over and watched him turn in my arms 'till his eyes bore into mine.

He was smiling. It was a happy smile, though full of mischief. Debauchery leaked from his half lidded champagne colored eyes and I saw then that he was naked before my eyes. That there was no mask, no hidden feelings. Just Ayame.

I had finally found him.

The real him.

Under smiling faces and angry remarks, under his endless talk or his winter cold voice.

Under the sparkling glitter or all that black paint on his eyes…

I had found him…

And I never would lose him again.

**OWARI**


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